Mental Illness

As we wrap up May as Mental Illness Awareness month I can't help but to think how hard May was. 

It is no surprise that my Type A personality deals with generalized anxiety disorder.  I have been on and off medication since beginning nursing school in 2010.  Much of this anxiety probably comes from my life growing up.  So many people tell me that I shouldn't have anxiety because I have an easy life.  I do not know anyone who has had an easy life.  Every single person on this Earth has struggles, and while some may be small or large, it is not up to us to judge if that is easy or hard for someone.

Two years ago in Belize I experienced one of the most horrific times of my life.  I ended up in counseling after and on medication again and have not been able to come off of it since then.  I do not think I will ever get over what happened there because they are things that can never be forgotten and they challenge my trust in people, but I can continue on. 

While my knee surgery doesn't seem like a big deal and many people have it all the time, it caused me to become depressed and seek counseling again.  I was in such a routine with life and routine really helps someone that has anxiety.  My routine was flipped upside down and barely any of it stayed the same.  Dr. Cooke explained two things that could happen during surgery and when I woke up, he did neither, he did a procedure and fixed my knee in a way we did not discuss.

My eating habits had become healthy and  I was working on getting my cholesterol down and had such a routine of what I would eat every day in order to give me the most energy and nutrients that I needed.   I now had zero appetite and ate Oreos for the first week after surgery until my mom brought me Sloppy Toms and I devoured two in less than 5 minutes. 

My sleeping habits were great.  I was going to bed by 9:30 and waking up at 5:30.  I didn't need naps and I felt energized every morning I woke up.  I didn't sleep for the first 3 nights after surgery because I had never slept on my back or on my couch in my life and the charley horses were horrendous. 

I couldn't just go outside and cut my grass or weed my lawn the way I used to.  My laundry had to be done by someone.  I couldn't just run off my porch and down the stairs to grab a package from the mailman so he didn't have to walk all the way up to my door.

I had just started getting out of this funk that I have been in and then this past week Dr. Cooke told me I will never bend my knee past 90 degrees again because of the way he stitched my meniscus back in.  I sat in my car and cried.  I love to get on my yoga mat and sit in childs pose, but that requires my knee to go more than 90 degrees.  I love to do Shaun T's workouts and squat to the ground, but that requires my knee to go more than 90 degrees.  I love to get down on the ground and play with kids at parties or family gatherings, but that requires my knee to go more than 90 degrees. 

It is alright to feel depressed when your routine is changed.  I know (well hope) this is a temporary feeling and that I am strong enough to get out of the funk again.  I am very thankful that I have both of my legs and can still do almost everything I could before, but anyone that tells me that I shouldn't feel a certain way is not educated about mental illness.

I challenge and urge you to never tell someone they should or shouldn't feel some sort of way.  We each have our own story and it is up to us to continue to write that story because of what we have experienced and felt.

We Stand United

What a day!  Left the house for PT early morning, worked all day, attended a dinner celebration for the Woman of the Year which was our own Debbie Dingell, and then finished with the Jaycees meeting!

The greatest thing I did today was attend the honor celebration from the AAUW honoring Debbie.  As Sheila the President of the group spoke and said all of her honors it just gave me goosebumps because Debbie is a woman that I look up to.  She is a woman who did not have it easy to just grow up and into money.  She worked her butt off as a woman who was not seen as equal to men when she was growing up.  She stands at Capitol Hill and fights for the rights of women, and American's, especially senior citizens who have given my generation the ability to live life full of freedom. 

The one thing she said today that I think we all need to remember is that we need to forget about democrat or republican and remember we are American.  Something that has really put me into the funk lately is what she said.  I am so tired of people hating on one another because of what someone believes in.  We are AMERICANS who have been provided freedom by those who have paved the way before us.  If it is so bad here in America, please I urge you to go down to Belize or Guatemala and live in a one room house with 5 people sleeping in one twin bed and dirt floors.  I urge you to try to live on $3.00 a day.  Yes, there are many aspects to our government that are not right, but we are so much more blessed than so many people around the world.  We need to remember that America is where we continue to choose to live and that we must unite together to continue to enjoy the freedoms that we have been granted as citizens here.  Please start putting aside democrat and republican and remember humanity first.